different

things are different.

not bad, just different. i'm in a familiar setting surrounded by people that i love, doing what i love doing, but i just feel...different.

i realize how vague this all seems, but i think it's because i just realized it and haven't even really had the opportunity to process it. now that i think of it, ever since i finished my internship in vegas i have felt this way. and it's probably because i haven't taken much time to just sit and think and process what happened during this amazing summer where God opened up my eyes to so much. or i haven't really taken the time to be in thought, prayer, and meditation about what's about to change in my life. ever since i got back to manhattan i feel like i've been going a million miles an hour. this all came to a screeching halt when my grandpa died almost two weeks ago. i felt horrible, because i was so consumed and busy with everything going on here, that i didn't even really process it until i showed up at his grave. and it keeps catching up with me at certain moments that completely catch me off guard, but at the same time it's a beautiful reminder of the hope i have of eternity with my Creator, and i'm insanely jealous and excited for my grandpa right now, in Heaven with His creator, and not having to suffer and endure any more pain.

"Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who he has given us." - Romans 5:1-5

I read this at my grandpa's funeral, and it brings so much comfort in this time.